While the world was spinning

Hello readers,

It's been more than two months since I updated my blog. I often wish I could drive and blog. My time in the car is when my thoughts are most gathered and mental blogs form. But after a recent incident with a crash related to cell phone use (wasn't me - I wasn't even in the same state) I am "on the wagon" so to speak and have nearly cut out cell phone use completely while driving.

My life has revolved around these deadlines:

  • Bedtime - the amount of time I have to get stuff done at home
  • End of month - work's fast deadline (my stuff is usually due beforehand, but when there are mistakes/changes, end of the month is crunch time)
  • The 15th - a newly implemented 2nd deadline. The idea is to relieve stress at the end of the month, while increasing productivity. 
  • 6:45 am/7:00 am the time when the children leave the house indicating I should be on my way to work.
These deadlines have not meshed as well as I would have liked with the ever-fluctuating to do list of household chores, yard work, grocery shopping, laundry..... 

And then there are my needs: 
  • Friendship: I haven't met ANY of them lately. Except for an impromptu glass of wine with some neighbors a couple of weeks ago, I haven't spent time with my Bridgewater friends this month. (A half hour on the sideline of a game doesn't count).
  • Exercise: I did run a half marathon in April, but most of the month of May I've been out of commission. I've only worked out at the gym 2-3 times this month.
  • Hobbies: I haven't cooked a nice dinner in at least three weeks. I've knit a bit but I haven't even thought about doing anything else nice lately.
I think my body made it perfectly clear that this overload of stress wasn't working and I was forced into a week-long hiatus. VERTIGO. 

My ears, filled with fluid after weeks of allergies put the kabash on work, on life, on fun. Last weekend I spent the entire weekend in the chair while the world went on spinning. I watched so much TV that I couldn't stand it and I knit. But I felt so useless. It wasn't until today that I realized my body just needed me to sit still and take a brain break. 

Several of my friends at work meditate. They block out the world around them and... well, I don't quite know happens. I tried meditation in college a couple of times. Can people like me: extroverts who thrive on social contact really get something out of meditation? What is the difference between meditation and prayer? Are they mutually exclusive? 

There are still so many things that need to get done in my world. N's teachers aren't giving him the help he needs. C has math that is so hard that neither T nor I can help her at all. Her teacher is rude when she does go to him for assistance. (But C begged me NOT to complain to the school). My father, now 88, spent a month tutoring N each day. This was helpful, but when N forgets to hand in his homework... it doesn't matter that Grandpa helped him. 

T's work has him traveling - it's to the point where I don't even write his flight info into the calendar. I just write "T away". Both he and I are working Friday of Memorial Day weekend - can you believe I have a 3pm conference call??? He doesn't get back from a work trip until Saturday afternoon. 

But that's OK. my goal for now is to balance things: work hard, relax hard. And don't let months go by without seeing my friends. 

This is a manageable goal. 

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