After the events of the weekend, I felt like I needed to escape into some movies.
A few weeks ago C and I started to watch Peggy Sue Got Married together http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aj9hDe8VhpU. It was strange. I had seen it lots of times... but through teenage eyes. I related to the young Peggy Sue. Sharing it with my 13-year old was surreal (and a little weird, I had to go check something in the kitchen during the somewhat hot-n-heavy portions). We watched the end of it and it was enjoyable, but strange. Lots of these coming of age movies are strange to see now that I'm on the other side of the age spectrum. Sixteen Candles, St. Elmo's Fire... even The Big Chill all have me older than the main characters! When did I get old??!!!
This weekend we started to watch Moonstruck together. This time I was thinking about MY mother. Olympia Dukakis had my mother's mannerisms to a tee (including assuming someone died if we got an unexpected call). But it wasn't just my mom, it was the small details of our Italian-American life. The food, the expressions, and my grandmother's house even had a few pieces of near-identical furniture. I could hear my Mom's voice (if not her words) when she was berating Cher with "your life's going down the toilet!" Both mothers had a very clear sense of who they were in this world and in their relationships. (Again I had to walk out to check the kitchen... I didn't remember it was quite that racy, it's rated PG).
Finally, we watched a couple of episodes of "My So-Called Life". This time it was C who was overwhelmed by the similarity to HER mother! The girl on TV dyes her hair red, and C has been begging to do things to her hair too (this week it was feather extensions, but she has also wanted to color it purple!). The mother says verbatim the same things that come out of my mouth, "Why am I always the bad guy? Do you think *I* want to be the bad guy?" Afterward watching this with her, I felt depressed. I'm a cliche'!
Watch these and see if it resonates with you:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qruKmf0B0l0 (from 3 minutes in)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duwUFFGivH0 (again, from just less than 3 minutes in)
When did I become the strict, sour, unpleasant mother? All I do is yell at children, it seems. I don't necessarily need to be everyone's BFF, but I do want to be loved.... and loving.
The good news is, there was another portion that I think C could relate to, albeit without admitting to. Angela and her friend are driven home by the police. Her friend was too (see episode 1, part 4, toward the end for that). Angela realizes she is glad to have her mom after all... (see 4min 45 sec in) http://www.youtube.com/watch?=P4JkJb4svZ4.
In general, I think C is too. Despite the yelling and consistent conflict, she knows her parents love her, support her and will always be there for her - no matter what color her hair is. And it's our job to keep it brown for a little while longer!