Tomorrow night I am invited to a party where the theme is 80's prom.

I am a bit anxious over the whole thing. It is like High School revisited. Unlike in the 1980s, I don't have a date. My husband is refusing to go - and would really be even more adamant about not taking me if he realized the theme was prom.  I can't wear my prom dress... and feel like it is a competition to be able to wear your prom dress from 1980-whatever (although I am guessing lots of the women there went to prom in the 70s). It makes the fact that I am almost 50 pounds more than I was the night of my prom feel even worse when lots of them aren't. And, thanks to the wonderful world of evites I see that I am the ONLY guest going stag. All my insecurities from high school came rushing back to me tonight.

Should I go to a party that is making me feel so bad about myself?

But shouldn't I have the maturity to muster up the balls to show up to something without a date, if for no other reason to show that I don't have to have a date to go anywhere I want?! I can go as my own person and be confident enough to manage without my husband for a few hours? (Everyone who I know there knows I am married anyway). If I were to be alone I assume I would still manage to attend social gatherings.  This is far from the first time I have gone to a party on my own...

Why does the fact that the theme is prom make it so much worse?

Truth is, I don't know and I don't want to think about it because then I would be delving into a lot of other questions, like why am letting my petty fears take over my feminist ideals? 

Haven't I learned not to care what other people think?

And what kind of message and I sending to my kids - you need a date to go somewhere - to feel good about yourself? I can name several of my friends who would never go to such a party on their own. So just attending stag is a sort of an affirmation. (I do wish T would go, but I am not going to force him).

And more importantly why can't the dog figure out that it is bedtime????!!!! He keeps prancing over here with a toy and I keep playing. Maybe if I turn off the computer and the lights he'll take a hint.

High school insecurities - they turn up when you least expect them to. They'll vanish again soon, I hope.


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