Saturday, January 1, 2011

Off to a bad start......

Last year I spent the evening of Jan 1st in the ER with my son. It was the first of some TWENTY January 2010 doctor visits where I schlepped the well or infirm to various doctors and hospitals. I hope that Jan 1, 2011 isn't indicative a of a month when people tease me....

I just got off the phone with a friend who asked me if I knew where my license was... I found it in my clutch in my husband's car where I left it the night before. Now I wish I didn't. One of the hostess' "friends" thought he was being really funny when he drew eyebrows and a goatee on my driver's license picture. It was "only" in ball point pen (I think he meant that he should be forgiven since it wasn't sharpee - it wasn't washable crayola either, like that would help), so I got 80% of the color out, but there are scratches that you can easily see around my mouth and chin.

Monday I get to go to the DMV and get a new license. Sucks to be me. If I worked, I could charge him for my time. Since I'm home and my time is "worthless", I can't even do that!

This is so high school and I feel as humiliated as if I had been bullied. The weird thing was that everyone was being so nice to me at the party and I left a different party (where people wouldn't do something like this) to be there! Even he commented on how nice it was to see me. His wife invited me to a concert with her and their friends in February... and irony would have it, I had put a note on her Facebook wall saying I was happy to see her yesterday - and she answered with the same.

I left the party thinking that I want to spend much more time with MB (the hostess, not the "license-artist") in 2011.  "I want to change my resolution to be in 2011 I want to spend more time with people I like." I just hope that the next time I see MB I am not associating this incident with her and her childish friends.

I know most people would just look forward to seeing this big jerk so that they could do something similar - maybe shave his head, or do something to humiliate him equally - but that isn't my nature. My nature is to cry and to internalize. And to worry...

... all this bullying in the schools. It's in the media, it's on the internet, it's in our lives everywhere today. Kids teasing each other and parents calling it "just being kids". C seems pretty immune... apparently she's in the popular clique in school, but that doesn't mean boys won't be mean to her. N on the other hand - the boys in his grade are awful and aren't afraid to be jerks, even in front of the teacher or parents!

Guess what, it still goes on when we are well into our 40s. And it hurts just as much as it did when I was taunted for my curly hair in Mrs. L's 2nd grade class or for a silly dance I did for the neighbor kids one summer. The whole school heard about it and repeated what I had said afterwards... the memory still biting. Some things never change. In high school, it was my friend's boyfriends who sometimes made me cry. Now it's their husbands.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can be nice for other people - knitting hats for the needy, surprising the school staff with cookies, hosting huge amounts of friends and relatives for a free stay in our B&B. Not to mention all I do for my family every day. I put other people ahead of me to a fault - I even felt guilty leaving my son to go and spend a few hours last night at a New Years party on my own. "Poor N" (really he was fine, playing his DS with the TV on in the background). It doesn't occur to me that people who be hurtful to me for no reason. "Why would you leave your license out?" someone just asked me...

...because in my friends' home why shouldn't I?



Postscript:

I guess I did react to something seemingly benign pretty emotionally. He thinks (I am guessing, if he even remembers) it was all in good fun. Fun is very subjective.
Don't feel bad for me. There are plenty of people in my life. And I don't feel sorry for myself. I just know who to avoid. T thinks I should send him a card thanking him for the 4 hours I'll be spending at the DMV next week. Perhaps I'll include a bill for a new license. 

Why should *I* feel that my stuff isn't safe on the kitchen table at a friend's house? I don't want to be that cynical!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Feel bad for you? Oh...I don't feel bad for you my friend. I feel bad for the pompous ass that did it. What a jerk. Who does that? Hello 12 year old idiot. I'd like to slap him right in his stupid mouth with a brick.

I don't feel bad for you because I know, in retrospect, you realize how many of us out here love you and cherish your friendship. I HATE when I feel that sting of yesterday, almost like you're a kid again. I guess you can always be vulnerable, even as an adult... and yes, I still think that guy is a horse's ass. :D I posted as anonymous because it was easy and I'm being lazy, but it's me, Luna.

Jem said...

Wait, your purse was on the kitchen counter and he opened it and took out your license and defaced it? Did you check to see if he stole any money?

Horse's ass, indeed! I think what he did was would have been funny if you and he were 12-y-o boys. But at least a parent would have stepped in, made him apologize and reimbursed you for your expense.

I would just let it go and be VERY careful around those people in the future. I wouldn't seek out their company any more.

You are an amazing friend and don't deserve to be treated that way. That said, it's a relatively minor infraction and I don't think having any further interaction with them about it would serve anything.

Poppet said...

Clarification: I had a small clutch on the kitchen table. In it I only had my cell phone and license. When I pulled out my cell to take some pictures, it must have slipped out and was next to my small clutch. So there was no money, credit cards, etc. around - but I'm disorganized (and trusting) enough that I could have had left my wallet with all my credit cards, etc. on the table.