Ambivalent Celebrant Part Two

Rarely do I delete a post. I can think of only three posts I've deleted out of the hundreds I've written, but Ambivalent Celebrant is now the 4th lost to cyberspace's netherworld.

In it I sounded like a sour-puss and a spoiled child. Lamenting that because they are all sleeping, my kids and husband probably think I'm a terrible mom. After it's short-lived publication, I took the dog for a run and cleared my head. Maybe it's the fresh air, the sun, or even the endorphins, I realize that mine was misplaced anger and I am a fortunate woman. My children love me, they care about me - and they even look like me!

As I ran, I thought about El and her daughter, L who is spending her first Mother's Day without her mother. Not what you want for a 12 year old. I also thought of El's Mom, who is spending her first mother's day without her special daughter.  Who gives a damn what I do today! Sleep til 6pm, I don't care. I have a wonderful family and we are healthy and happy and together.

N was in tears when he woke up (as I was leaving with Diego). He hadn't planned anything. I assured him it wasn't too late and I loved him no matter what, but he still felt bad. Me going for a run was a chance for him too - he wanted to make something for me. No help from his teachers, from his dad or from me.

When I got back I found that C had made me a card thanking me for all I do- and the oven is on... It's hard not to go and see what is in it. I'll know in 14 minutes.

Yesterday I got a letter from BRRSD that my son had made it into E-Science. He is finally getting validation of his scientific mind. What more could a Mom want on Mother's Day weekend?  Well, one thing this mom needs is a shower and a stretch.... otherwise NO ONE will want to spend the day with sweaty, smelly me!


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