Girls day out
"In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of
There's nothing you can't do now you're in New York
These streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
let's hear it for New York,
New York, New York..."
My friend and her daughter were up for some mother-daughter quality time. I am always up for it, so I gathered my inner strength and drove into the city, confident I could get there on a Sunday without denting the car (we have a history of accidents heading in or out of the Big Apple).
I LOVE being in New York. But being there is like having a high school crush on a guy who is out of your league. I never got to date the most popular boy back then, and I'll simply never have the income - or lifestyle - to make New York my home.
But that's OK - my life is very rich and yesterday was a great example of my good fortune. If there is one thing I've learned since high school, it's that what you wanted at 14 looks very different at 40. By that I mean attainable. None of the boys I knew back then seem "out of my league" today. What about the Big Apple?
New York seemed unattainable once. For now it is. I've chosen a life where family comes first, and while some New Yorkers combine the city and child-raising, that's not my choice. Yesterday, I managed the subway like a native, resisted the urge to force the girls to spend time at MoMA, letting them choose what we do... and guess what? We shopped because that's what 12 and 13 year old girls want to do. I navigated us through Uptown and Down, taking in exactly the sights the girls wanted to see (the Abercrombie Flagship store on 5th Avenue and various stores, large and small, in Soho) and feeling relaxed. Family and the city!
Being in New York is so inspiring. This morning I sent a resume... it's not a commitment. Not a marriage proposal... but it's an expansion in my horizon. In my own minor way I'm looking ahead. I have little faith that this single e-mail will amount to a future on Park Avenue, but it can't hurt to try.
I recently had lunch with a boy I had a "like major" crush on when I was a teenager. Although I find it unlikely, he claims he didn't know how I felt back then about him, and if he had, maybe.. Did I not try hard enough to get the unattainable boyfriend's attention? What else could I have done?
I don't want to be asking myself that about this professional opportunity! (Or any chance, really!) "Could I have gotten it?" Maybe if I get it, I'll find what I already suspect. I probably can't do it all at the same time: commute to a job in the city AND manage two kids. But I want the chance to try before I give up!
As I drove out of the city, full of Mexican food, with fresh memories of our happy girls trying on 70% off swim suits, I was happy and confident. Was it from being in New York? Or was it me?