4 dresses?

This was written on Monday - but posted on Wednesday.

Last night I watched 27 Dresses with Cecilie and a couple of friends.  When I first saw the movie a couple of years ago, it didn't seem at all about me. It's about a pretty girl invited to be bridesmaid and confidant to seemingly every woman in New York, as well as the city's most capable woman. She's an extremely organized assistant and in love with her boss though unable to share her feelings with him. Pretty much none of these things are me. (I am lucky to have my friends).

But I watched it in a new light yesterday. She's also the woman who says yes to everyone's requests. Some days I really know how she feels. She is conflicted. Like me, she genuinely LIKES being needed and enjoys helping out. On the other hand, it is such an ingrained portion of her identity, that she hardly notices until her leading man points it out to her in his very direct way.

My main squeeze also thinks it is silly that I spend so much in service of others and isn't afraid to say so. There are certain people that he feels would reciprocate - and others who I don't ever seem to ask for help but perform "random acts of kindness" for me regularly.

But like her I am in conflict when confronted by this feelings. Help or say no. Be nice or be upfront. Where to draw the line. Even today, I'm knitting a babygift for someone who hasn't ever given me anything, putting aside my husband's sweater (he doesn't know and don't you tell him, ok?). I had 30 minutes to kill, so I shelved books at the school library, when I could have been cleaning at home. But when I took an hour for myself to visit a chiropractor (for the first time ever!), I felt guilty about lying there for a while and the $20 copay that could have gone to reduce the deficit... in our household.

ARGH! It's a battle, being good. :-)

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