Next weekend it starts. We joined a pool club and it opens on Friday. We resisted for many years but decided it was time to stop living off the generosity of others. Also, for several years I spent the majority of the summer at my in-laws with the kids. This year we are only going for a couple of weeks, so we're going to need somewhere to go. But this weekend I started to panic.
The first time I visited this pool as a guest of others I wore a very small bikini that wasn't too revealing, but still showed enough to shock my hostess. I remember her gasping, saying it might fall off my curvy figure (not her words, but that was the gist). Nothing is more painful than watching your hostess's shocked expression at your swimsuit.
I bought it with two good friends who sang praises until I dropped the $100 on this gooooorgeous bikini. Granted we were in Spain at the time, and maybe the sangria was part of the decision process...? At time of purchase, I thought I looked like a Roman Goddess and I loved that suit.
Despite the apparent "inappropriateness" for Bridgewater pool clubs where tasteful LLBean one-pieces or skirted-tankinis rule, I still wore it faithfully to the beach for a couple of seasons. Then one summer someone had a camera and I got a look at what AH was gasping at... yup, you could definitely tell that I am a woman who has born children and breastfed them. And maybe her fears of a wardrobe malfunction weren't so unrealistic? And... the Roman Goddess self-image??? Gone with the sangria!
Last summer I threw that suit and bought some much more conservative ones.
My June Cleaver-approved summer suits are ready to roll. I'm doing sit-ups, push-ups, planks and anything else I can think of to tone the mid-section to no avail. :-(
Where did the Roman Goddess self-image go? Who knows? Even though I work out regularly, I still can't get away from my own body. I love food with things like butter, sugar and I have a never-say-no policy to wine, and I'm not going to starve myself to please others at the pool.
Pleasing the person in the mirror is just as hard - maybe harder. Even if I meet my goal weight, there will always be something I will obsess about: my bad skin, my frizzy hair, my height... At least I go to the pool knowing that I am not the only suburban Mom who feels this way about her body. But I'm the one who is crazy enough to post a bikini-clad picture of herself on the net! Clearly I need to do more sit-ups, but it ain't all bad... in fact, looking at this picture I see my arms are pretty nice and my skin is clear.
Focus on the positive!